Hold

81
It began just two weeks ago -
At a fork where dreams lay strewn.
I focused myself, looked down each path -
Planning paths through fog immune.

I stared down the three paths -
None looked simpler than the rest;
I settled on the clearly toughest -
Knowing that I'd have to do more than my best.

81 wasn't good, 88 neither.
95! Nothing less -
Any more would impress me,
Any less, a sad regress.

It came back. I failed.

Through my life, I've tracked many other paths -
Hoping to remain "good" all the way,
Searching hard each day to find -
A sequence that wouldn't dismay.

These numbers supposedly reflect potential -
To understand, comprehend, apply;
I'd been caught up in a rave of spirit -
Chasing them without knowing why.

As I look back on these paths,
There's something else I've found -
For these 2 digit integers can never truly reflect
Our skill; they merely confound.

Still we can't reject their existence,
For who could deny their use?
Efficient, quick scanning;
Who to keep? Who to lose?

-- Answered promptly by these numbers.
They shout out their role -
The prestige, respect commanded
Needed for "life" to be whole?

Note to the reader - I obtained an 81 for Economics - just a nice number in the low 80s to leave me with mixed feelings. My stance on exams and marks are that though they aren't a good reflection of our true talent, there is little better alternative, and since the system is in place it's no point fighting it, really.



More seriously, sometimes I wonder if I'm really doing the right things or not. The Bible Study conducted during BB on last Saturday has made me think of some things.

To be a leader, we have to serve first - yet what is meant by serving? I've considered this before as keeping the welfare of one's charges in mind. Still - how can we be sure that there is no ulterior motive in keeping the welfare of one's charges? Can there be ulterior motives in true service? ...

The song below, Alabaster Jar, is something that I can say I perhaps... aspire to? Being more than willing to give up one's life for God at one shot seems difficult... This line, in particular, is one that I like but also one that has caused me discomfort at times - You gave Your life for me; so I will live my life for You. What is meant by living our lives for God? During BS I believe Mr Allan Lee talked about standing up for what is right - which I, honestly, find tough at times.

During Chinese B period today, I really felt quite bad. Some people in the class were joking to Mdm Chen Li who is fairly new to the English language. They tried to misspell words like "infiltrate". Furthermore, some of them chose to try and deceive her with supposed "new" computer terms...

I kept quiet, even though I felt it was wrong. I don't know if that was the right thing or not.

This alabaster jar, is all I have of worth;
I lay it at your feet, Lord; it's less than You deserve.
You're far more beautiful; more precious than the oil,
The sum of my desires and the fullness of my joy.

Like You spilled Your blood, I spill my heart,
As an offering to my King;

Here I am, take me, as an offering;
Here I am, giving, every heartbeat;
For Your glory - take me.

The time that I have left, is all I have of worth;
I lay it at your feet, Lord; it's less than You deserve.
And though I've little strength, and though my days are few;
You gave Your life for me; so I will live my life for You.

Worthy, worthy; You are worthy
Worthy is the Lamb.

jk