Voices

This was a triumph.
I'm making a note here:
Huge success.
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.
Aperture Science.
We do what we must because we can.
For the good of all of us;
Except the ones who are dead.

But there's no sense crying over every mistake
You just keep on trying till you run out of cake
And the science gets done and you make a neat gun
For the people who are still alive.

I'm not even angry.
I'm being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart and killed me.
And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
And as they burned it hurt because
I was so happy for you.

Now these points of data make a beautiful line
And we're out of beta we're releasing on time.
So I'm glad I got burned; think of all the things we learned
For the people who are still alive

Go ahead and leave me.
I think I prefer to stay inside.
Maybe you'll find someone else to help you.
Maybe Black Mesa -
That was a joke. Haha. Fat chance.
Anyway, this cake is great:
It's so delicious and moist.

Look at me still talking when there's science to do.
When I look out there it makes me glad I'm not you.
I've experiments to run; there is research to be done
On the people who are still alive

And believe me I am still alive.
I'm doing science and I'm still alive.
I feel fantastic and I'm still alive.
While you're dying I'll be still alive.
And when you're dead I will be still alive.

Still alive; still alive.

- "Still Alive", GLaDOS (Ellen McCain) from Valve's Portal.

Hearing a computer-ish robotic voice sing songs can be rather disturbing. GLaDOS stands for Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System... the content is also rather... weird. Singing about points of data fitting a regression line? The perspective - one fascinated with science, and cake, is rather unusual.

Good thing Robots isn't tested for Comp Science at mid-years. Still, I think I'm going to die for Comp Science tomorrow. Starting yesterday afternoon only was a... bad idea.

jk.

Anchors in the Storm

Where I left off.


ECONS paper 1: umm question 2 was easy, but apparently i didn't define merit good completely right. so. mixed feelings. hopefully at least like 21/25 or so.
good/ok/bad/fail: 0/2/1/1

PHYSICS mcq paper: easy, though i have 2 careless mistakes.
good/ok/bad/fail: 0/3/1/1

PHYSICS paper 2: fine, though i might be penalised for the diffraction grating graph i think. also definition of damping.
good/ok/bad/fail: 0/4/1/1

ECONS paper 2: screwed up. changed question 5 minutes into the actual 40 minute time, screwed up my graph for the last question and left out one reason for the last quesiton as well. hopefully i can still salvage like a 15 or so.
good/ok/bad/fail: 0/4/2/1


MATHS: fine. i hate the ambiguous case sine rule diagram though. hopefully can get like at least 112 or so out of 120.
good/ok/bad/fail: 0/5/2/1


so it's been an exam period that's left me with very mixed emotions with so many papers being like okay, not good.

---

yesterday, after math, i had 2 conversations that were rather thought provoking. The first was with a close friend which I had sort of planned in the sense that I felt the conversation would be something reasonably beneficial; and the second, a totally random one that yet bore some meaning in an unusual sense.

hence the title of this post. i'll leave it at this.

jk.

the things we've learned.

Chinese B paper 1 = epic fail. I cannot do grammar for nuts. -3 for that. no time to finish written response, et cetera. haven't touched chinese properly for VERY long.

40 marks. first passage i think i lose like 4 or 5. out of 10. second passage was okayish... maybe 1 out of 9. third one was fine too. maybe 2 out of 11. written response i think i'll get a seven. so...

29/40? fail. nice 73 when you need an 86.

good/ok/bad/fail: 0/0/1/1.

Chinese B paper 2 composition = ok. i did question 2, investiture speech for president of student council. very manageable task. basically what i did was thank ppl for their support, then talk about what the role of a student councillor entails, and then concluded by praising the previous council and saying how i'll do my best in building on the strengths they had in their performance. on the whole, an ok task. i think i should be able to get around a 24, depending on marker.

if i get 24 plus 29 even a full for oral won't save me (83 is um, 6). no more 7 for chinese. *poof*

good/ok/bad/fail: 0/1/1/1.

on a better note, i'd like to thank all the people who've prayed with me and for me about these exams. it really is comforting for me to know that i'm not the only one going through this. of course i know i'm not the only one going through exams. by this i mean a certain kind of stress that can be tough to describe.

look. i'm sorry for all that.
i just... wasn't in the right frame of mind then.
please.

jk

pain

I probably have said somewhere before, that for me most of the physical pain I have experienced over the years is generally of a relatively low order; it tears at you and it hurts, but usually it's only transient; or even when it's not, at least I find myself preserved reasonably in a psychological sense. Mental stress through work, mathematics and the like is of a somewhat higher order, but still not very high, as the stress is still largely easily linked to inanimate external sources... and it's generally transient too. Emotional and spiritual stresses cause the largest ripples, because (for me, at least), they work from the inside out, destroying my psyche and mental constitution along the way.

The exam period is a bad time to face pain of various types, especially given that the exams themselves are a form of mental stress.

I am not making sense anymore as far as I can tell.

English A1 today. was really bad. I did Prose, and wrote on how love remains a powerful emotion regardless of circumstances. Still, I only had 2 major devices (characterisation and setting) and hardly any good elaboration. 5 sides leaving lines is pretty short to moderate-ish... it'd be like 2.5 sides if you don't leave lines...

good/ok/bad/fail: 0/0/1/0.

jk.

Cleaning up

Today was... not very productive.
unless i count yesterday morning.
morning cleaned up econs, then afternoon switched to physics.

the problem is, i have not done any practices.
so far, for comp science, econs and physics all i have done is make notes.
not even finished comp science and physics.
math have done practice, but i just found out that i either suck or am incredibly rusty.
english, chinese - how? no practice
at least i have weekend for comp science.

and the exams is NOT world scholar's cup. 67% average will (generally) kill you here.

i want like a minimum of 40. but im not even sure if i can make it or not this time. leeway of three points - chinese is going to take away (at least) one, english at least one, and somewhere some other subjects are going to take away more points until i may have like a 36 or 37 instead...

stress

i'll probably post again sometime later today if i find the time. got something i need to clear of my mind...

jk.

Rise and Fall

The quasi-holidays is drawing to a close, and the past few weeks have really been a rush.

After the Scholar's Cup, I focused on rushing my IOP Essay on Lu Xun's A Madman's Diary and Medicine. Following that, I did some math planning and then came other stuff like the Primer's Standby. Admittedly I slacked somewhat, stoning around on my bed or wherever.

The final week came, and I started mugging. My work efficiency has dropped significantly - Computer Science took me like 2-3x as long to learn compared to previous occasions, and this morning as I did a past year Mathematics paper, I had lots of problems; after clearing many of them I was left staring at a matrix question for 10 minutes not seeing that I misplaced a minus sign halfway through the equation. Physics hasn't seen much action recently, especially on the later topics, and Economics hasn't been touched at ALL.

I take a lot more breaks nowadays though, which depending on the way you see it can be both a good or bad thing. But I think I need it for my mental health. Previously, I'd work 2 hours and take breaks for 15 minutes. Now, it's more like 1 hour 30 work, 45 min break or even more.

I listened to Danzai no Hana ~ Guilty Sky recently. The lyrics were good stuff. Or, at least, the English translation that I saw. (not the English version; that one is in my opinion bad)

I met Russell for lunch at Novena yesterday; it was the longest lunch I'll probably have for quite a while (just under 2 hours; my usual lunches are like 15 minutes). It was a good experience, as I rarely ever get to just sit down and talk about a wide variety of issues, ranging from sensitive to umm... "normal"-ish, one-on-one with a friend. In school the recesses are hardly long enough (50 ish minutes after deducting the usual "frictional" time wasted); and for that matter, it's rare that I meet just 1 person in the SAC for lunch, and even then sooner or later someone will come along and join (not that this is a bad thing; it's just that when you want privacy, the SAC is not the place). Admittedly, I was a bit concerned that the arrangement might be somewhat inconvenient (he has to change train), but he said that if it's to meet a person it's ok, so I guess it should be fine.

analog data refers to data incoming in a continuous stream, typically of a sinusoidal nature. it is often found when measuring realworld phenomena such as temperature, light intensity, sounds, etcetera. conversely digital data refers to data separatable into discrete units. since computers work on a binary-based system, they necessarily can only store discrete units of data. hence analog data must be converted via an A-D converter before being stored and processed by a computer.

realworld phenomena includes life?

*sigh*
keep mugging jk, you can still finish mugging all subjects...

Experience Wash

The second hand has made one full turn, and I'm sitting back at the same position I was approximately 60 seconds ago.

Yet things aren't the same.

Compare sec 4 holidays - a time which I actually found rather relaxing, both in March and June.

Year 5 holidays are effectively nonholidays.
March was filled with BB stuff. Busy, admittedly enjoyable but not really relaxing...
June. Math Olympiad --> World Scholar's Cup --> IOP Essay Prep --> Comp Sci IA --> IOP Prep --> Primers' Standby --> Exam Prep...

I enjoy my activities and it was my choice to have these so I know I shouldn't be complaining... but I need some time to get away from things.

Conversations on the Frontier

World Scholar's Cup was a very mixed experience; for the competition itself I performed rather poorly, the only real notable achievement being a second place in Mathematics. After the competition, the trip was, on the whole, reasonably enjoyable; though there were certain... issues that somewhat disrupted my enjoyment of the trip.

Having said that, I wonder why I originally signed up for World Scholar's Cup in the first place, and the rather strange journey I took to reach the World Finals. I can see several reasons why I signed up - I figured I should be able to win something, I went with my friends (not as valid as it would have been with the original team I had), I am interested in some of the material (well, History and Lit were interesting)...

A statement I remember making when asked if I would participate in the World Scholar's Cup next year was "It was a good experience, but I'm not going to put myself through that mental torture again." No doubt the Scholar's Cup was enriching in many ways, both on the frontiers of academia as well as relationships - but it was also a form of mental torture as I had to study till 2 am every day for the week preceding Regionals. (I only studied a bit for Worlds, but it was strenuous enough)

Next year's theme is "The Fall of Empires" which seems somewhat biased towards the Humanities subjects, unlike "The Frontier" which is, admittedly, quite an intelligent choice of topic for a multidisciplinary academic competition. It's possible to select a novel and appropriate poetry (Epilogue to Death of a Hero from our Lit guide book is possible), and I guess History and Economics would come in useful. Mathematics would probably just be there cause it needs to be examined in interdisciplinary competitions... and Science? Defense Science? I don't know...

Mr Andrew Wong asked me about coaching the Math section for World Scholar's Cup next year if there are any teams that wish to participate. I guess I'll take it on if I have enough time.

jk