closing a door behind.

Father Lord,

Even as our Primers term comes to a close,
We pray we will continue to grow deeper in love with You.
That Lord, we will continue to live for You and grow in You.
If it be Your will, Lord,
We pray that You will lead us to serve further, Lord;
Whether it be through BB, the church or elsewhere.

Lord, we just want to thank You
for giving us the opportunity to be in Primers, Lord.
We thank You for Your guidance these 6 years;
we thank You for how You have changed our lives through BB.
We just want to commit all these experiences,
and to commit all of us,
the 12th (I) Primers 2008-2009,
into Your hands, Lord.

In Jesus’ name we pray,
AMEN.

---

I guess, my last words (for now) to this Company and my fellow Primers. I'll still be around. Thanks for everything. Really.

Inertia and the Continuum of Sanity

Right now, I don't have too many short-term projects but quite a bunch of long-term ones.

The notion of inertia makes me feel terrible and undisciplined. After finishing two medium-term projects (TOK presentation and ROD video), I just don't feel like I have the drive to delve into EE draft 3, World Lit draft 2 or TOK essay draft 4.

jk.

a broken comet

i'm sorry i did that to you.

i figured out your possible reasoning, actually.
i didn't act on my reason about your reason.

and now -
i just hope i'm not becoming hypocritical -

jk.

Partial Sums

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds.
James 1:2

The verse has meant a lot to me.

---

I have loads of backlog and the BB video is crawling by slowly
But I actually feel happy (:
I really wish to echo the thoughts of many in the video -
it's not awards and the like that count,
it's the friends, and God, that do.

jk.

Instrument

Your Name

As morning dawns and evening fades
You inspire songs of praise
That rise from earth to touch Your heart -
And glorify Your name;

Your name, is a strong and mighty tower
Your name, is a shelter like no other
Your name, let the nations sing it louder
Cause nothing has the power to save, but Your name.

Jesus, in Your name we pray;
Come and fill our hearts today;
Lord, give us strength to live for You
And glorify Your name;

Your name, is a strong and mighty tower
Your name, is a shelter like no other
Your name, let the nations sing it louder
Cause nothing has the power to save, but Your name.

---

I originally thought I ended up there by chance, but my experiences at MCYC have shown me that sometimes it is in the things I least expect to have an impact on my life be meaningful. I initially came, somewhat unaware of what I was going to do, and somewhat in a pursuit of CAS and an NYAA Residential Project. However, now I do feel that the experiences of bonding, and getting to look at issues from varied perspectives have been beneficial, more so than a bunc hof CAS hours or the NYAA project. My overall experiences there far exceeded what I originally expected.

I'll miss many of them there. I looked at the Excel CAS attendance table spreadsheet, and... it just seems to have passed so fast.

I know I'll try my best to visit them at the end of the year.

---

I can't quite reason why I did that, but I can say I felt called to.

jk.

The Orb in the Night Sky Hiding the Princess

Raw, heartful desires accumulate.
They remain locked behind this sphere.

"I want to stay this way.
Leave everything in the status quo."

Her last words, before disappearing for the night.
She had her tools beside her -
Five treasures beyond conception of the average human mind.
No one could stop her; but that wasn't the point...

For fighting would not do much, but break her mind.
She locked herself, locking her world from external influence.
Her counselors and advisors couldn't understand -
Why didn't she want to go back? Life there seemed so much better;
The work-days then lasted but three or four hours a day...
Back there, she was a Princess. Here, she seemed but a fugitive.

So, tonight; she heard of the group coming to take her back,
And she focused her mind, built her own cage -
The Orb in the night sky holding her, the princess.

adapted from the story of Touhou 8 - Imperishable Night
---

In other Touhou though non-random poetry news, I had a very weird MoF Extra run today. I reached Suwako 5/5 as per normal, but then died on super-easy cards: 2 bows 2 claps (a pure trick card - incredibly easy!) and long-arm and long-leg (another trick card!). I survived most of the rest of the way, dying once on Jade of the Horrid River (careless) and then near the end of Suwa War. So I faced Mishaguji with 0 lives, 5 power. I bombed once, and capped it. A rather bad run, though I think I did pretty well on Froggy Braves the Elements, with only one bomb on it. Only captured 2 cards I think - Kanako's second, and Frog Is Eaten By Snake due to Croak thingy. Normally, capturing 2 bows 2 claps 1 bow, Long-Arm and Long-Leg, and 7 Stones and 7 Trees (and possibly also Moreya's Iron Ring) could also be done... I wonder what I was thinking then.

jk.

fall through

I thought things would have been fine after yesterday, but I guess not.

I've been sleeping at about 1-2 every night for the past few nights; and I guess it's because I've been doing work till then. I never expected it to reach the point it did yesterday though; I spent 2 hours in the morning writing the World Lit essay, worked on math port, and then a physics IA. I hadn't fully finished the physics IA (about 90% done), but I just crashed and fell asleep at about 2.30am, almost completely involuntarily. The lights were on, I hadn't brushed my teeth; et cetera. My mind just feels weird - "big, strange and foreign" to the rest of me.

---

No BS today. It was weird. I went to school at about 8.50 am and I saw only the year 5s in the Primers' Room. I was like - ok, let's call Luke, since he told me yesterday night it'd be at 9 am.

Call 1 - Luke - No response.

I thought, hm, who else might be aware that there might be BS/might not be BS? Well originally when finding a day to go out Russell suggested Saturday after BS, before remembering he had something on then; hence he must have expected there to be BS, so...

Call 2 - Russell - Says Jayne said no BS

To find a 3rd opinion...

Call 3 - Shaun Ong - Not sure, suggests I call Mr Lee

I was going to anyways, but since Russell suggested check with Jayne,

Call 4 - Jayne - No response.

One last time just to check:

Call 5 - Luke - No response.

So.

Call 6 - Mr Lee - No BS today... originally supposed to have, but feeling unwell...

I planned to do some English in school but decided against it (too sian) and just went home to emo and do Econs IA5.

At least term 1 seems to be the toughest term of the bunch...
jk.