Numerical Pain // T3 Results

My results have left me with a weird impression. =(
Stupid Geog 65 and Larts 67 led to...

81.8. less than shuan, rene, dyee, henry, jarrel, ximin, johnny, kwong and probably manyother ppl also...

after all what do i have to show for my effort?
just this?a failure, in some senses, by 8.2?

I'm a bit frustrated. But looking on the bright side of things, there are many other things that I can do as a result of not shooting for top place this year anymore. Also I was quite happy to win the individual prize for the intra-sch mathcomp (50/54) and the gold for Math Olympiad this year. Amazingly my Math Comp marks (93%) are higher than my C (92%) and A (87%) Math marks.

For the World Scholar's Cup, I will be working with Daniel and Russell. Our team is pretty good, I think - other than the fact that maybe we aren't so sure why we are a team.

The conversation below may not be word-to-word but I think it reflects the general idea...
Me - "Daniel, why did you want me on your team?"
Daniel - "You're pro in math and science"
Russell - "Why did you want me on your team?"
Daniel - *dunno*
Me - "Music. Oh, and Russell's a nice guy."

weirdness.

I can probably do Science, Math, Econs. Lang Arts won't be a problem cause it's MUGGING, and actually so are Social Sciences and Fine Art. Fine Art is appreciation, not practical, so I'll probably enjoy it quite a bit. For debates I'll hopefully be Proposition//1st Speaker, cause I know it's my strongest, and others like Jarrel think so too, it seems. Depends on issues, really. If they make us debate about a science topic it would be quite interesting.

after all what do i have to show for my effort?
just this?a failure, in some senses, by 8.2?

Granted, I guess didn't put in as much effort as I should. But now it's a thing of the past - with regard to academia all that matters for now is the 50% ahead.

jk

Lang Arts: Poem Analysis

This poem, which I have to analyse and present on Tuesday, is quite nuts.

To His Coy Mistress
Andrew Marvell
Had we but world enough, and time,
This coyness, lady, were no crime.
We would sit down and think which way
To walk, and pass our long love's day;
Thou by the Indian Ganges' side
Shouldst rubies find; I by the tide
Of Humber would complain. I would
Love you ten years before the Flood;
And you should, if you please, refuse
Till the conversion of the Jews.
My vegetable love should grow
Vaster than empires, and more slow.
An hundred years should go to praise
Thine eyes, and on thy forehead gaze;
Two hundred to adore each breast,
But thirty thousand to the rest;
An age at least to every part,
And the last age should show your heart.
For, lady, you deserve this state,
Nor would I love at lower rate.

But at my back I always hear
Time's winged chariot hurrying near;
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast eternity.
Thy beauty shall no more be found,
Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound
My echoing song; then worms shall try
That long preserv'd virginity,
And your quaint honour turn to dust,
And into ashes all my lust.
The grave's a fine and private place,
But none I think do there embrace.

Now therefore, while the youthful hue
Sits on thy skin like morning dew,
And while thy willing soul transpires
At every pore with instant fires,
Now let us sport us while we may;
And now, like am'rous birds of prey,
Rather at once our time devour,
Than languish in his slow-chapp'd power.
Let us roll all our strength, and all
Our sweetness, up into one ball;
And tear our pleasures with rough strife
Thorough the iron gates of life.
Thus, though we cannot make our sun
Stand still, yet we will make him run.

Many other things, which I don't have time to say now as I have to prep for a CS test tmr. bye!

jk

randomness

That's what everybody says:
S'okay?
That's what everybody says:
'Cos I'm prinitng
[jk] numerically crushed says:
one thing
[jk] numerically crushed says:
"Shuan Lee (23)"
[jk] numerically crushed says:
err
That's what everybody says:
Why?
That's what everybody says:
He said he was 23 when I asked him just now
[jk] numerically crushed says:
no
[jk] numerically crushed says:
Shuan
That's what everybody says:
What's wrong?
[jk] numerically crushed says:
spelling
[jk] numerically crushed says:
it's SHAUN i think
That's what everybody says:
He always said his name was Shuan o_O
[jk] numerically crushed says:
ok ok haha
That's what everybody says:
o_O
That's what everybody says:
Wait so which is it?
That's what everybody says:
O_o
[jk] numerically crushed says:
real one is Shaun
[jk] numerically crushed says:
Shuan is a nickname
That's what everybody says:
REALLY O_O
That's what everybody says:
OMG
That's what everybody says:
I NEVER KNEW
That's what everybody says:
SUCH A SNEAKY PERSON
[jk] numerically crushed says:
lol. =)
That's what everybody says:
K, gotta go
That's what everybody says:
Goodnight!
[jk] numerically crushed says:
Goodnight.
That's what everybody says:
I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE HIS REAL NAME IS SHAUN
That's what everybody says:
AHHHHH

picking up the pieces.

Today was my IHS presentation. I guess I did fine, though like Daniel predicted I did speak too fast. Still, Mr Jarett Kan said it was good and Juzzie said it was rather 'professional', so I don't think I did too bad of a job. David's question was very apt (thanks!) and gave me some more explaining time. I guess the rehearsing yesterday night actually paid off as well, since I did about 4 trial runs total before the actual thing, with times of 5:02, 4:45, 4:12 (this was BAD) and 4:55.

We also got back a couple of coursework results, and I must say that I'm very disappointed, actually. Getting 95 for Chem did boost my spirits, as did 87 for IHS, but I got like 3rd lowest in class for geog (67). Interestingly, it seems that perhaps the less work you do the better you do? Or at least, it seems to have applied for this term. Chem was 1 morning's work, IHS was 1 day's work and Geog was 3 days total work. And the marks just have to come back THIS way.

In a way, it's a good thing though. Shaun has a pretty clear path to the top in level now, unless the AM paper at EOY is freakishly hard, or I pull out some 95+ score for Comp Studies, and hence I can relax as both of the events are pretty much out of my control. also, it's 'cause my Geog (67) is definitely no match for his Bio (90). Same thing as mid year - my geog, top in level, is (79) but his bio is way more than that. I also need to watch my Physics, for I need to make sure I finish with at least seventy such that I can do Physics safely, and possibly even Physics HL in Yrs 5-6. I'll do Chem and Math HL, but I don't know if I should do Econs or Physics at HL.

I'll admit that actually I am not really deserving of being a 'top student', at least compared against Shaun. Edward noticed that my bag and schoolwork were 'disorganised' on Monday, I probably pay attention in more lessons than most people but still, on an absolute level, not many, and there are subjects which still fail me (LA, Geog, Chinese). However, I think I have decided or realised that there are many other goals to pursue that would be more fulfilling for me. Character development, leadership development, and my relationships with friends, teachers, officers and especially God are more important.

This leaves me with much to think about that I cannot express in words, and yep, I think I shouldn't.

jk

Bad Microcosm

Recently, we got back our IHS essays we did for this term. and in my group, I thought I didn't do too well. I got a 20 out of 25 which is actually good, but then I didn't know it was good cause what I did know at that time was that Kyle got 22, Seng Wei 23, and Shaun 24.

I feel quite bad now. After class when Rene asked me what I got I told him I got killed and then showed him my 20, and I think he may have felt bad. Those who were there as well, like Henry or Lou Ee, I'm sorry if I made you guys angry or unhappy. I really didn't know better then. =(

jk

Pragmatism and Principles

The C Math lesson today really got me thinking, but not in the usual academic maths way. Normally, if a teacher scolds our class without reason, I would (naturally) be quite pissed. However, if one does so with very valid reasons and even goes to the trouble to almost objectively qualify his scolding, I will be more than willing to accept it - and that was what essentially happened today.

With regard to the reasoning, firstly since when did we have a lot of C Math homework? I know you might say that I'm biased cause I can clear it quickly, but still. Name one of the academic subjects where we've had less work. If anything, Physics is like the only one. Lang Arts, Chem, Comp Studies, Chinese and especially A Math easily have had more; and though IHS and Geog may not seem like much, they each had one big debilitating(sp?) coursework this term, while we did our C Math coursework in school, like Sir said.

I understand that you might think that I would be biased toward Sir, but still, I'm quite sure you have to agree that his points are valid. Respect, cooperation and duty are, in my opinion, indeed integral elements of a classroom environment. With regard to the Cumulative Frequency worksheet, I have to agree with Sir that the hand-in rates are bad. (less than 75% after 3 weeks overdue-ness)

After the lesson (which was the last period for the day) a bunch of us, including me, Jarrel, XM, JX, Juzzie and Bryan went to see Sir, and it was then where we discussed some possible courses of action to take. I thought of the 'pragmatic path' independently of some of the others who suggested it - that is, just let those who aren't interested in learning do whatever they want so long as they don't distract the others. However, Sir said that he would not be able to bring himself to do such a thing, seeing as he saw it as his responsibility and duty to teach the whole class, and that leaving some stragglers would contradict his principles.

I was quite surprised and impressed at the same time. In my life, I find it very hard to even cling on to principles, rules and guidelines; yet, Sir would reject the 'pragmatic' solution simply because it contradicted his own principles.

I should admit that this also, to an extent, could show one of my own failures as an A Math subject rep. Most people in class would know by now that I'm not one who'd chase people for work. I'd just write "Assignment XXX is due today" on the board and be done with it. I'd just collect whoevers' work I got and not bother about whoevers' I didn't. Now place this in juxtaposition with what Sir has been doing...

Now, going back to the original statement. There are still some things which I do not understand very well - the bit about Sir saying "I'll give you more things to complain about. Complain that I am not teaching." etc. However, as tough as it is to admit, our class does not treat Sir (or actually pretty much most of the other teachers) well at all, and the anger would most probably have been accumulating within him, till a point where he just had to let all this anger out - and yet, it comes out with a lack of vulgarity, a lack of burning rage, a lack of forceful blast; much like a basic volcano instead - smooth, consistent without big spurts, etc.

I should also add that as a result of this, my perception of Mr Leek has, to an extent, improved actually, for if I were in his position I would pretty much confirmedly opt for the 'pragmatic' though possibly unethical and, from Sir's PoV, unprincipled solution.

jk

A Parade to Remember

...And we'll march on in the power of His Spirit
We'll be sure, and steadfast as we worship at His feet
We'll be one in vision, one in Christ together on our knees
One in vision, one in Christ, for all the world to see
-- "One in Vision, One in Christ", BB 12th Company Theme Song

Yesterday marked the end of a year as being admin in the BB. For me, it was one of the more memorable parades I've ever had. Over the 3 1/2 years or so, there have been (approximately) 140 parades that I've attended - but what were these for? I would say that the BB has developed me as a person to some extent.

It's rather interesting, how quickly the admin term seems to have passed. Granted, being a juniors NCO was a fairly 'slack' position, you could call it (about 2.5 hrs per week instead of 6-7), and the rest of my life has generally been hectic, but still... it seems very fast.

My relationship with the BB as a unit has changed over the years. I used to not like the idea of uniformed groups when I was in sec 1, but after seeing the benefits, my idea has, well... changed. As for the reasons, I am not sure, but possible answers would include the sense (somewhat) of unity that has been developed through going through hardships together, or that I may have matured somewhat.

Now, the question this leads to would be whether I should become a Primer. Most perspectives point to yes - I know and like the other (this year) Yr 4s, I can work with the Officers, I am more familiar with the workings of the BB, the BB is a Christian organisation, even a solid 400 hrs of CAS, etc. However, there are two main things that are making me think this over a bit more before deciding:

1. I DON'T KNOW THE SEC1s. Compared against the rest of the Yr 4s, it will be much harder for me to connect with the Yr 1s. The fact that Mr Jonathan Ng said that one of the key reasons why one might come back to serve as a Primer would be that "... you want to see the Sec 1s develop ..." or something like that. That is a good reason, but how would I know if I would want to see a group of people I don't know develop? I didn't think about this when picking Juniors >_>

2. PASSION ISSUE. Both Russell and Mr Ng have mentioned the importance of passion in coming back to serve as a Primer. This actually links quite closely to (1), because how would one have passion for a group of people he doesn't even know? Again, didn't think about this.

Hence, I have my decision-making with regard to Primers cut out for me. Still, even if I don't come back as a Primer, my 3 1/2 years in BB have been quite fulfilling, and I'll retain quite a few memories from them.

jk

Boundaries

I don't know how or why I've been feeling this way - a bit inner-conflicting, a bit angsty, a bit disappointed, a bit just weird. I don't know, but I feel like an outcaste, a loner, a neglected person. Still, most of this is probably my fault. Looking back upon my sec 2 and sec 3 years, I made a lot of decisions that I would have, today, regarded as bad. I guess I will have to remind myself of the lessons I have learnt with regard to those decisions as I face their consequences. The feelings might be exacerbated by a sense of juxtaposition; as I sit adjacent to Russell and Shaun Lee my relative academic weakness is amplified, and for most other things no juxtaposition is needed at all.

tell me where to start. cause it hurts.

jk

Musicality

this is my cry
my one desire
just to be where you are Lord
now and forever

it's more than a song
my one desire
is to be with you,
is to be with you, Jesus.

Beautiful song. That's about all I can say about it for now. <3

jk